I have this friend who I used to work with.  Let’s call him Mr. R.  Well Mr. R has a way with the ladies.  Such an impressive way, that I used to tell him he had a modern day Harem going on.   He has a laundry list of lovely ladies who will basically drop everything and run to him at his beck and call.  They know full well that they are part of a collection, as the first thing he tells them is that he does not want a girlfriend, sees many women and is not interested in any type of relationship.  These trysts are not mere booty calls though, Mr. R and his ladies go on dates, he cooks for them and takes them dancing.  I’m pretty sure he’s so good at this because he’s a genuinely nice guy, a total sweet heart really and he makes each woman feel special in her own right.  They just wait patiently until it’s their turn and then go away until the next call.

So what happens if one sees him out with another?  Well, this happens, but they are very well aware of each other…not specifically, but they each know there are others.  He told me that he has had to start keeping a calendar so he didn’t see one to often in a month, or schedule two for the same day.   I think its especially interesting that this calendar is posted in his room.  I asked him if any of the women saw it, he said “sure…they just ignored it, they know the deal.”

I have always been intrigued by Mr. R’s harem, as I find it amazing that so many women are completely ok knowing they were part of a group.  A few years ago, Mr. R did have a girlfriend and put the harem on hold.  The crazy part was that some of the women waited it out…the whole thing just picked up where it had left off when the relationship ended!

I recently read Some Girls: My Life in A Harem, which is the true story of an American woman who ended up in the harem of one of the Princes of Brunei.  It actually took place only a few years ago…a real modern day harem!  What was amazing was that there really were similarities between Mr. R and The Prince’s bevy of women.  Don’t get me wrong, the Prince had a room full of made up women waiting each night in the “party room” for his possible appearance.  They were ecstatic to be the chosen one of the night and vied for the honor to sit next to him, even if he left the party with another woman for an hour.   But the theme of women just happy to wait quietly until picked appeared in both situations.  I don’t really get it, being naturally aggressive, it’s not my style, but obviously there are plenty fine with this??

Now the women in Brunei were promised fistfuls of cash for their time there and lived in a palace.  The special few were lavished with gifts of jewels, designer clothes, bags and shoes and even more cash.  The grand prize was of course to be chosen to be the princess.  Ok, that’s maybe a nice dream for some, but what is crazy is that even though Mr. R is a nice guy…he’s not a prince, he’s not the son of a Sultan.

It makes it even more intriguing when you think of it that way…and makes me tip my hat to my dear friend, as it’s his birthday today and I’m sure that whole harem of his is hoping to be the chosen one for this special night…good luck ladies and Happy Birthday Mr. R!!

 
Little Tree

photo by me

Want a good laugh and an evening filled with interesting texts?  Contact all of the people (including a good amount of ex's) who live nearby that you think would bring you a little tree and ask them if they did.

A few of my favorite replies...

"What?"

"Sorry?"

"No!?!"

"what do you mean?"

"That I did not"

"No...?"

and finally...

"hahaha, yeah"

Let me tell you...when you come home and find a mini tree (with snow still on the branches!!) presented for you at your front door, you will not rest until you figure out how the hell it got there!  Talk about opening a few interesting conversations...

 

So a few months ago...I think in early August I was out and about until the wee hours of the morning and was so happy to be finally in my bed dozing off when I heard it...a flutter...a very loud flutter.  I made Faye investigate and she started flipping out...so I stopped hiding under the covers and looked for myself.  Crap. There was a bat in my bedroom.  My first instinct was to send out a text of distress to the one person who has promised to rescue me in times of distress...unfortunalty it was 3:30 in the morning and bats are the one thing that really freak him out, so I received only a tip on removal and a wish of good luck (yes, I dealt with that later). So I had to move on to plan B....my first move was to get the bat out of my bedroom and into my studio as its the room with the front door.  I was amazed at how easy this was and should have know that it was by no means going to be simple from this point on.

Once in the studio, the bat started swooping circles around the room and Faye started chasing after it all the while barking, growling and leaping.  Round and round and round they went...all I could think of was that kids book with the tiger and pancakes...what is that book?  Anyway...while Faye and the bat were busy, I ducked out of the studio and armed myself.  I grabbed a fitted sheet, a mop, a broom and put on a bathrobe...I was armed and ready to go...

Once back in the studio, I set up camp in a corner between two big pieces of furniture, stashed my weapons, threw the sheet over my head and ran to open the front door.  Now some would ask why I did not just open the door and leave it alone...well, during the summer months, we tend to have a lot of skunks in the village, and they have walked up to my front door before it would be so, so, SO bad if one came in the house, so I had to monitor the door.  While I was over there I also grabbed one leather glove...to this day I have no idea why I only grabbed one, but it was really, really late, and I was running on pure adrenaline, fight or flight!!!

I dashed (ok, make that ran screaming with a sheet over my head) back to my corner and started my attack!  I basically ran after the bat and Faye for an hour with the sheet held up between the mop and the broom (a la David Spade and Chris Farley in Black Sheep)  and a glove on one hand for about an hour, taking mini breaks to curl up in the corner under my make shift sheet tent and sigh.  FINALLY, between me, Faye and the swooping sheet wall, I got the bat to fly out the front door and collapsed into bed.

...oh you thought was it???  Pshaw.  So a few weeks later, I went though my "Lion, Witch & The Wardrobe" Closet (it was a hallway once upon a time, and I use it as a shortcut to go to the laundry) opened the door and saw a bat fluttering around in the hall behind my apartment.  I slammed the door shut, extinguished the light and declared that I really didn't need to do laundry anyway.

Later that evening, I was chillin' with my gal pal Shanley when we heard a rustling in my closet.  We looked at each other and I nonchalantly remarked that I may have seen a bat earlier and it must have entered my closet.  Shanley (although she maintains to this day, that she was simp;y getting some air) grabbed her bag and ran out the front door.  I ran after her pleading with her not to abandon me when we heard a ruckus coming from the closet...and then nothing.  Seconds later, Faye marched out of the closet looking very proud...like she just made up for my chasing a stupid bat around the studio for two hours not that long ago.

I very tentatively entered the closet and there it was, a still little bat on the floor. Faye tends to shake critters she catches until they are still, so I was not sure if it was just stunned or dead, but I picked it up with a piece of cardboard and laid it outside in the garden and if you wish, you can believe that the bat work up from a deep sleep and flew off to it s family.

* I have since learned from a few, that the best way to get rid of a bat is with a tennis racket as their sonar cannot detect the clear strings.  Although then you have to actually get close enough to swing and hit...and I've heard the bat often hits the wall and yeah, I think I'd rather let Faye deal with it.

© 2012 Manic Trout Suffusion theme by Sayontan Sinha